Friday, June 06, 2003

post://200395646/

Nothing for the past few days, there's a few links - but those can wait for now. I'm just in one of those thinking while typing moods. I have one friend who's having issues at home, can't get ahold of her, and who in her last entry melodramatically noted she was contemplating ways to kill herself. She said her father made her show it to him when she printed it -- it was probably partially for his benefit, but you can't go writing shit like that. It makes people worried, and there's others that love you as you are... your father may not understand, but he's just scared that he'll lose touch with his own daughter because of his actions.
I just want to try and get her out of the house tonight and chilling with friends.

Tonight's movie night, got a few *ahem* pre-releases that I've de-coded from SVCD to DivX, all set to watch in the living room, with the new comphy couches, maybe some margaritas, and friends. I have so many people that I'd love to hang out with, but I can usually only hang out with them by myself. A lot of times I'll get lost in conversation with one person, completely losing the other people in the meanwhile. I'll assume a different stance with different people. With some, I'm the one who talks a lot, others I'm often the one listening. I'm not sure if I actually change personality, like when I'm around a girlfriend (I've been told), but I can feel others are disjointed in some situations, and I don't like anyone to be left out.

My goal with a party is to keep everyone occupied, provide enough people and they'll occupy themselves. I feel obligated to flutter a bit, but I settle down after a while. With small get-togethers I like a comfortable setting where everyone's a part of the discussion, or event (movie/videogames) and don't usually let someone sit out unless they're really insistent. I'm a host by nature, and even play the part of surrogate host at friend's parties - making sure no one's out of control, things are accounted for, and people know where the bathroom and/or waste-disposal areas are =]

Having multiple friends together in one place is a good thing. I focus on my real self, I'm a lot more conscious of my actions, and think how I'm interacting with people as a whole vs my normal one on one rapport. It's kind of a calibration of self.
posted @ 16:59

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