[ P H E N Y L A L A N I N E |:. ------- .:|:. Stage 3.5 .:|00000011.00000101|:. -------- ]

Saturday, March 30, 2002

post://11288990/

"I believe there are 15,747,724,136, 275,002,577,605,653,961, 181,555,468,044,717,914,527,116,709, 366,231,425,076, 185,631,031,296 protons in the universe and the same number of electrons."

Arthur Eddington

[note to self: long words and numbers can effect layout]

Labels: 2002

posted @ 16:55

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post://11276803/

"Step inside my mind" the blog-vertisement states... *sigh*

I know I don't get it, I am fairly confident that the majority doesn't get it... but I think I have common sense. Unfortunately that seems to set me apart. Granted: one of my faults - everything has to be done my way. That's rather harsh, I'm quite non-harsh, flexible, open-minded, and willing to learn. I will do it my way unless there is good evidence to show me otherwise. Simply saying is not enough -- you need to show me, I need proof.

Tangability is something I never got with religion. I tuned to to nature and in turn had my spirituality and my tangibility. Give it whatever face you would like, hold it high as you will... but if there is really a force that wants us to be happy -- they want to be happy as well. I see the connection and harmony that nature already has... we've just seemed to lose that somewhere along the way. My brother has found this path as well, he before I, quite different experiences, but with a lot of the same conclusions.

There is so much I want, so much I need... and most of that is education, or will come with it.
I have my goal(s), and I'm so close. It just requires that final step... which it isn't enough to say simply requires effort, it requires time, and it requires effort to have the time. I work for myself, I see my accomplishments, and I'm glad. I really don't hold much faith in the "now, now, now" policy... I've seen the rewards that carefull planning can reap. It didn't come without sacrifice, nor without effort. Held true then, I just need the initial "oomph" normally citing: "when I'm comfortable" as my timeline -- and that almost seemed plausible for a while.

There's so much change that has to be done, why would anyone bring unnecessary change upon themselves?
it's 6:18am.
whew.

haha, just saw previous "note to self"
it's 6:22

Labels: 2002

posted @ 06:24

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Wednesday, March 27, 2002

post://11189608/

So much to do, the world feels like it's wizzing by and my head is just slowly floating through. I am looking quite seriously at moving out of this area as soon as possible. I went looking for an apartment and realized that for an extra couple hundred a month -- I'm able to buy a house. That's a huge thought. Everyone's talking about the market, things are looking good, etc -- but didn't really think it would apply to me. It's much more within my reach then I thought.

It's not much better then where I am now, but it is. The whole street is clean, well kept -- parking is behind the house. It's 3 story, converted to 2 unit. Fairly manageable, bottom floor is spotless -- 2nd floor needs more then a little work. For someone my age, and with the people I know who are also looking for a place -- it has much potential. I can handle the payments, but I worry about being in the same spot I am now -- and owning the place.

I should just jet completely -- but I should really finish up my associates before venturing out wayward bound. I have a rough sketch as to what I'd like to do, where I'd like to go... but maybe stay in the area for another year or two, finish up school, then sell the house and go. I'm not really sure. I was pretty secure leading up to the events of the past couple days.

Meaningful journal to drunken blabble as of 21, wahoo.
note to self: let go : some things are beyond your c o n t r o l.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 18:13

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Tuesday, March 26, 2002

post://11153679/

...unfortunately about an hour later, I was awakened by the sound of my car alarm.
I ran to the window to see a shadow running away from my car. I was planning on waiting until morning to call the police about the theft, I just didn't want to deal with it at the current moment, but this was just too much -- 3:50am they were there. I hadn't even seen the driver's side of the car yet: someone had tried to open the lock and it was mangled, plan b was apparently breaking the window - glass everywhere. It exploded, it was on the hood, roof, everywhere inside the car - front, back, seats, floor, dash... swept out what I could with my hands, with only minor cuts -- and took off for the country.

I couldn't leave it there all night, even if I did set the alarm -- they'd just squeeze through the window, and these people have already shown that they don't know when to quit. They had come back, that same night -- to get my tiny amp, after taking the worthwhile deck and speakers.

I can't express my anger, my fear, and my disbelief that there was this additional insult and aggrevation.
I have been chased out of anywhere I've lived thus far, after moving out on my own. I live my life the best I can, I abide by the golden rule in most cases. I am, by definition -- "a nice guy". Where does that get me? Where do my accomplishments go when they're under the arm of a running thug? There is one thing I cherish -- my music, and being alone in the car with my music - I am on another plane, I'm at peace. Someone has taken my zen garden and strewn the rocks about, pissed in my pond... disturbed that security.

If I kept my money in my bank account it would be safe, I'd be keeping it for the future... and would have a fairly empty and boring life. Something like a stereo is more then a material thing, at least to me. I can get another one, yes -- I don't even care about the money, but if they've come back twice already -- in one night, who's to say I won't be buying them another rock of crack?

I hope you enjoy it, try figuring out the buttons, schmucks.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 19:07

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post://11130352/

note to those that stole my car stereo and who will never read this:
YOU SUCK!

.:sigh:.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 02:29

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Monday, March 25, 2002

post://11116367/

I saw the bomb squad today, complete with guy in gear grabbing a little black box out of the drain on the side of the road. It was a main road, so traffic was re-routed all around. It couldn't be more then 1/4th of a mile away from my house... kind of strange. I don't have TV, there's nothing on the radio, and I don't see anything on the local news website. I don't really know for sure, I was told that's what it was by one of the on-lookers at the gas station accross the street. There certainly was a fire-truck-type vehicle nearby, and the gear that the guy was using to pick up the black box certainly would confirm it... seems strange, with all the talk of the terrorist cells that were nearby on Pearl street (ironically only a block from the springfield police station).

I guess I can only wait and see what the news has to say -- if anything.
I have a question as to why we make this specific information available, however.

Alas, things are odd -- I can't place my finger on it, but when people have unusual reactions do you attribute it to their intoxication, your own semi-sobriety, or something underlying? My answer: unless you are equally intoxicated -- the subconcious is alive and well, and determined to undermine the situation.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 18:57

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Saturday, March 23, 2002

post://11031752/

Here's a scenario for you:

Local club, geared mainly at the under 18 crowd -- amature djs, and people lining the walls much like a highschool dance.
Big mafia-type guy heading the operation, pulling aside a young gentleman -- known to dabble in the not-so-legal...
"...we need at least 10, this is just between you, me, and Kevin... anyone finds out, someone's gonna get fired."
The whole place is so small that no one can get away with anything -- unless they're in on it. There are only the select few that are in with the management, maybe not directly -- but the staff knows to leave them alone, and hassle anyone else.

...strange, strange evening.

Normally I'm excited to dance the night away, I could hardly get in a shuffle -- though being out of breath half the time didn't help matters any.

If you haven't got your health -- not much else that you do have really matters.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 01:38

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Thursday, March 21, 2002

post://10988523/

Graphical Representation of the Web
Tap - PDA/Screensaver
Antbase.org

Labels: 2002

posted @ 19:34

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post://10986769/

Well it's the weekend again, I just can't get over how quickly time seems to go -- at least when I'm not waiting for a paycheck.
Yesterday was the first day of spring -- and of course, it snowed. It was a seemingly nice fluffy snowness at first, then it just got heavier, wetter, and more of a bain. Just about half of it melted today, I'd say the other half tomarrow but with 32 degrees the projected high I'm not optimistic. I can't wait for it to be warm out - I want to run through the grass barefoot!

There's some really good pictures of me and Liz from Sarah's birthday party.
They're hosted on Sarah's site.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 18:40

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Tuesday, March 19, 2002

post://10909687/

Every time I actually have something that I want to express, takes half my break just to log in to blogger. I suppose if I really required it I'd go for the pay option, only $12 a year at this point. It's quite reasonable, and hopefully it would be a bit more responsive. They're being interviewed by TechTV and others, so I can't imagine it'll be too much longer before the free accounts will dissapear completely. I just hope the worshipers of TechTV, aka "knuckleheads", don't completely flood blogger for new accounts.

The reason I'm updating - a lip balm epidemic, according to a head honcho here @ work. I just caught the end of it, but he mentioned some statistic about lip balm usage tripling over the past 3 years, or something odd like that. I'm inclined to believe it as it's not just for girls anymore, and it does help. The interesting thing is that after over-usage of balm, the lips get used to having that help, and might be dryer next time they want to be chapped. So it in effect causes your lips to be even more chapped, resulting in increased balm usage. I won't go so far as suggesting they use addicting ingredients, but look at Coke before anyone asked what was in it ;)

Saturday night was "True Luck 3" @ Assylum, had a blast. I went with a bunch of friends instead of just lil ol me as usual. The night went well but a lot of people were hassled. DJ Venom was there, and spinning like a crazy-guy. =] I stayed to see him, but by 4 I was ready to go. I gave out my address to a few people, so maybe they'll visit -- if so... HI!

New game on the PS2 - Sled Storm, a BIG EA title, SSX Tricky on snowmobiles -- almost. It is just as the PSM review said: hard. It's 2 player, and can get crazy fast. I just have to work at it a bit, unlock some more tracks, characters, etc.

There will be a few new news updates over the next day or so, keep your eyes peeled.
...back to work. .:sigh:.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 17:32

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Tuesday, March 12, 2002

post://10680190/

A friend called me near the end of work today... the details are on the news page.

He said Phil - someone we used to hang out with all the time - had died in a car accident this weekend. It's one of those calls that you never expect to actually get because it's far to close to those after school specials to be real. I didn't know what to say. I know my friend was really close to him... I wanted to say something meaningfull. Instead I said nothing.

I really liked the guy, I did... but my manner disturbed him. I was the kind of person he wasn't supposed to like, because that wouldn't fit. One night after a bit too much to drink, which was usually the case at that time... I jokingly told him "quit yer bitchin" - and he threatened fisticuffs. I was taken aback as I had never actually been in that situation, in a pool hall, no less. He was quite serious, and after a bit of a scare, and a few days to cool off, he apologized, but I never felt the same since.

My friend continued to hang with him on occation, and we held a sort of tolerance for one another. I hadn't spoken to him since probably last summer - and my friend was regretting 3 months. Truth is I really did miss the guy, I just knew he had a problem with me - so I stayed away.

I will most likely attend the funeral, I'd like to give him that respect.
I'll always remember the summer nights, the trips to play pool, the 4th of July fireworks that we had front row seats for -- accidently, and his stories. I'll remember the good times we had - because there was always tomarrow.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 22:50

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Monday, March 11, 2002

post://10631067/

A lot can happen in a week, unfortunately... not this week. My birthday is about 2 weeks away, I'm not particularly excited -- I wonder if I should be, considering it's just about the last milestone... I don't have much to ask for. I supposed I could use things for my kitchen, which is as yet incomplete - despite this being my 2nd year out on my own. This time 2000 I was moving into my very first apartment. It took about 3 to 4 months for things to go horribly wrong.

That's behind me now, things are quite good. I'm happy. Many of my friends have changed, the true friends have stayed. I look forward when we can walk into a bar, order a drink, and reminiss about sitting around on the floor of my dumpy old place - trying to steer clear of the psychotic roommate. My goals seem about the same distance away, though I'm certainly more comfortable.

So for my very first toast, with my very first legal drink - shall be to the future, and making it as I wish it to be.

Labels: 2002

posted @ 17:02

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