Observations

1a. Childhood Icons

I loved Bigbird, he was such a happy guy, (he was a guy, right?). He always wanted to help, and was usually singing or doing some kind of happy dance. There were a few times though when he was either sad, or sick, that dampened his spirit. Otherwise he was a cool bird.

Mr Rogers was square, he was also a minister... but that didn't/doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me because from how he acted, you couldn't really tell. As far as I was concerned he was just for being nice to people. Religion needs more of that, less preaching about god and consequences, and just more accentuation on the proper human responsibilities. (kindness, generosity, and general well being of your fellow humankind) He was a good guy, and I loved the puppet shows. Though someone recently brought a good point up, they were watching and the camera panned a little too quick or too slow, and he caught a glimpse of the 'trolly button'. Aparently it was the button, not his calling to the magic trolly that affected its approach.

1b. The Microsoft Monopoly

I believe it began with MS vs. Netscape. Microsoft did what they usually do, they needed a browser, they couldn't use another companies technology because then they'd have to let the other company know about their Windows technology to integrate it right. So they kept it in-house and purchased a framework (Mosaic) to work with. Basing it on the technology they built their own web browser with the features they wanted, and blended that with the system software to increase speed, reliability, that sort of thing.

Here's Netscape selling a browser, and server software, and Microsoft comes in and offers it for free. They're so big and browsers aren't their only business so they can afford to do it. Netscape is then forced to do the same, and really can't survive without its base revenue, but they tried. They moved to banners and other things along those lines, but when offered money by AOL, they took it.

The Microsoft vs. Netscape battle then migrated to AOL vs. Microsoft. That then, in turn, migrated to MSN vs. AOL. MSN changed their whole appearance, with their 'Explorer' with built in Email and cooperation with MSN Messenger, it mimicks the ease of use and polished all in one feel of AOL. However they did so, and managed to keep it from being intrusive, as AOL is known for being. Its a good product. Much smaller in size, everything's within reach, and it uses much less resources then AOL. All in all I believe MSN will soon be neck and neck with AOL.

Of course I realize all the past troubles Microsoft has had, and they might have subversive techniques, but they're just trying to get everything that people might use, to be Microsoft brand. All their products mesh seamlessly, and thats whats so great, just like having an all Sony component music system, its all made to go together.

2a. My View on Life

Now is most likely not the time to be doing this. I'm not feeling all that uplifting right now. This section is really due that, because that's how I normally feel. Life is what you make of it. That may sound stupid, but you have no idea how many people seem to miss this simple fact. If you sit around, don't do anything, or make anything happen... chances are (unless it involves a natural disaster and/or bad thing, like getting robbed and killed or something) that nothing's going to happen. A person's life contains as much meaning as they put into it. Personal philosphy here. I feel that if everyone could have the inspiration, the motovation to go where their dreams sent them (and dreams as in goals, not as in wanting to go to Denmark) they could be happy. I've had very good luck following my gut. In certain situations you can always detect a sense of what you should do, and go with that. Even if it seems to have "let me down" it turns out better in the end because it was A.) A learning experience, or B.) Better off then where I would have been, and even if its A, B still applies. Hope you get what I'm meaning here.

Have faith in whatever you choose, for myself its just a feeling of complacency, being satisfied with what I have, accompanied by a feeling of general well being. I have no real faith in god, though grew up in that environment. If that has anything to do with my lack of 'structured faith' is anyone's guess, but I'm not fretting over it. Accept what others find their faith in, its all connected.

The 'golden rule' is the simplest way to put how I feel. You do to others what you want done to you. If there's someone hanging around that you don't want there, consider the situation. You could tell them to go away nicely, let them know that you really don't like them around. It's somewhat harsh, but think how it turns out in the end. You are relieved, and that person can have a better chance of finding someone they might have something more in common with (can be applied to relationships as well). If it is a friend of a friend, then you have to think about that other person before you make your decision, because though that person might bother you, its someone that your friend aparently has something in common with. In no way does that obligate you to act a certain way, civility is really all thats required.

I'd like to hear what some other people have to say about this. These are really my own personal theories, what I've come up with from over-analyzing everything. I don't profess to be qualified to even present my opinions like this, but you don't have to read them either, they're just here, like me.

2b. Connection of All Living Things

There just seems to be this energy all around. You can see it sometimes, some see it all the time I'm sure. I've seen it a couple times - been able to see aura's, sense them. This energy is what allows us to sense that car thats in the blind spot, feel the hand thats hovering above the shoulder - call it heat or simply acute motion sense... its there. All living things have this energy, and though most of nature seems to have kept it's ability to communicate -- humans blind themselves to it. Its not supported by science, but neither is god.

There was a time when I really didn't care, didn't notice, and there really wasn't much to life in general. It took me a while, and a lot of trouble, to finally realize that everything effected everything else. Certain events, people, they're all there for a reason -- and after the recent events of 9/11 I think a lot more people will be thinking differently. Anything anyone does is important, anything anyone doesn't do is important - we shape our future, and it shapes us.
10/31/01

3a. Techniques to Brighten Life

Appreciate the little things.
Understand that nothing's perfect.
Robert Frost - "I can sum up what I've learned about life in these three words: It goes on"
11/01/01

3b. Philosophical Commentary on Society

When I wrote this topic back on 4/22, I had an idea of what I was going to elaborate with. I was going to talk of society, the disparaging way we've grown apart, that a crime can happen in the streets and most walk on. If I don't know you -- I don't have a reason I should care. A lot of that has changed as of late, and thats a good thing.

There was a naysayer on Stern this morning: he was talking about how people have lost much of the "outright patriotism" that was prominently displayed after 9/11. I feel that people have come together since the tragedy, it effected everyone, and all in the same way. I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach - because I knew there were people working in that first building, and then the seccond... and below when they collapsed. I didn't have live pictures in front of me, I didn't need them, I could feel it in my gut. My heart sank, as did the nations.

You wouldn't see the displays of patriotism before that you see now, I admit I wouldn't have displayed a flag -- because I didn't know the meaning. The pledge of allegiance: so required that I refused... now, well - I can say I've changed how I look at it, and now know what I'll tell my children when they ask me why do we do it. Sometimes we need a reminder, and I for one - won't forget.
11/01/01

4a. Space is Scary

5a. Everyday Occurences

Things will happen. People make mistakes, life goes on... its just going to be different. For someone who always tries to do the right thing, the best interest of the highest number of people possible, things just don't seem right. There I was, thinking about my life, the people in it, where I was... etc. I was thankful for being alive even, after a near brush with death. (I'm not being dramatic here, there's a big long story with a tractor trailer and I91-S.) I was thinking about the people who were very near and dear to me, one in particular. This person I would have done anything for, still would. Well here I was thinking "hey... all the time in the world, why rush things, just go with the flow" happy living the life I had. People came over, hung out, we'd go places, do things, I had someone to call and tell about my day, and listen, in turn. I had a friend. Turns out I was wrong, I didn't -- I had more then that. You never really see a situation till you're no longer in it, and I so wish I could have seen the forrest through the trees. It was probably the best relationship I've ever had: it wasn't work. We complemented eachother well, had fun hanging out, could talk about anything, and make any situation a blast. All in all -- we both made eachother feel like we were important.

Now the complicated part: me screwing it up. Approached by an opportunity to see new sights -- and not being in a "relationship" for quite some time: I was intrieged. I decided to give it a shot. The shot lasted probably about 2 and a half weeks. I have nothing against the girl, but it just wasn't right. We didn't fit, couldn't talk, and it felt like a chore. Calls came with frequency, and so did my regret. I've already said to someone that I've had no regrets about the situation, so I would just like to take the opportunity to say "oops, sorry -- I was wrong". I found myself comparing: "wow... I could always talk to ---- about that", "---- doesn't do that", and "wish she'd be more like ---- ". I knew that spelt trouble, and sensed it from about day 3. Always one to give everything a chance (and usually fearing change) I just went with it. 2 weeks and we were at the point of separation. We gave it a week... I got a call from her, and that was that.

Oh, the screwing it up part - that had to do with the fact that the person that I had such a good relationship with... didn't take it so well. She was unsure at first, sad, then after letting it sink in: angry. Talking didn't help - she didn't want to talk. Rationalization? Nope, not a chance. I just gave her space. I made the additional mistake of trying to get the conversation going again after things didn't pan out. So it stands here now with me wondering why the hell I bothered. I never knew what I had until it was gone. Though I can profess this newfound knowledge, ultimately it doesn't do any good. I never meant any harm, and never thought that it would make such an impact on those around me, and my life. You may wonder why I'm writing all this down -- to put things in perspective, for both myself, and anyone who might come accross this. I know I had no bad intent, but I screwed up -- all I want is things back to how they were, but thats not going to happen. I am sorry, but that doesn't fix anything.

All in all I suppose I should just chalk it up to experience and move on. I'd like to move on, if it wasn't on my mind all the time. What do I want others to learn from this? I'm not sure, but I find that once given information to decipher for ourselves... it leads to being able to make better decisions when the situation does come up. So I suppose thats where I'm at, learning from it. It's not the end of the world. There are other people, everywhere, and its only a matter of time. I suppose.

6a. So-hune

Ever wonder what exactly there is that you're supposed to be doing? Wandering (in effect) aimlessly... you may have your tasks along the way... but for the moment the only sure thing seems to be time. At the risk of sounding corny and melodramatic - "When do things make sense?" You figure them out as you go.

I have a friend right now, somewhat young, and looking to find her way in life. After having a lot of problems (don't we all? well... some more then others) she was finally able to call her house a home. Problems started between the mother and the boyfriend, and since they lived in his house, when it came time to depart, they all had to go. From there they ended up with a new, nicer boyfriend. They moved into his house... and thats currently where things stand.

Its such a bad situation, for everyone involved. I never really saw how hard young people can get hit by these sudden life changes. I had stability for the better part of my life, then all of a sudden: whoop. It was gone... and I missed it. It just seems to me that its important to give kids a sense of "OK-ness" that things will be taken care of, and they don't need to worry. We'd all like that, but once we are able to really take in everything, process it, break it down, and make sense out of it -- thats when things change.

6b. Void-ness

Not as melodramatic as it sounds... simply the lack of something. Right now I have something that is desired... someone to fill the void that is my apartment. Soon there will be an empty room... and that means also an empty half of the rent. In talking to friends, and friends of friends, there still seems to be no luck. Unsure of what to do at this point because its not my fault. I'm supposed to be there for 3 more months, someone pulls the rug out from under me and I am the one that needs to make up for it. I only hope that I'll be able to find someone -- its hard, however. You have to have someone who you trust, not just trust as in leave them alone in your house while your gone... its a bigger trust then that. There's so much about a person that you know when you live with them. Stuff, feelings, consideration... all factors. In addition you have to be able to hang out with the person, in good times and bad. As long as both people are fairly laid back, and don't do stupid things -> "Wow! Look at this great big stuffed panda that I bought... for only $275!" it works out...

Well, we'll see how it goes and just hope that it'll all work out... which things tend to do if left well enough alone.

last updated: 11/01/01