Tuesday, February 25, 2003

post://90375044/

So here's another post that won't readily be published any time soon.

Here I am thinking about how much work this current relationship is. There's so much that I want, that I haven't had up to this point, but I think that quitting what I currently have will lead to me being able to have these things - though it's never happened before.
I always get into things, am just getting comfortable, start thinking about the long haul... and how I don't want to do this anymore.

I'd really like someone::
who looks at life similar to myself
who can understand what I mean
who can accept people, or at least get along where they need to
who likes technology, embraces it, and is somewhat knowledgeable re:
who is into extra extracurricular activity
who is active, would like to play frisbee, hackysack
who has a positive attitude
who has a positive self-image
who has a decent job, can at least pull partial weight
who I can actually talk to about interesting things
who thinks beyond "what they did today"
who appreciates music of all types, has their own tastes, an enthusiast
who doesn't like reality TV (pretty much anything MTV that isn't music) and doesn't watch TV often

A lot of these things I didn't discover until about a week or two into it. I assumed that there was just more to discover, and though I spent more time... nothing new really came of it.
Topics of conversation include::

how drunk I got that one time

what I did today

what thing happened that reminded me of my childhood

how much of a bitch someone was being

are you mad at me?

I can't change anything, at least not now, I'll probably keep going until I can find another option.
The other day she asked me if "we were OK" of course I said yes.
Last night she said she needs to feel needed. I could call... and do call, but what would we talk about? There's never anything interesting, if new. She IM'd this to me when someone moved my mouse while I wasn't home -- she saw activity, IM'd me... and no response, so that's a whole buncha good.
She'll most likely think I'm mad at her, I'll give her a call when I get home... but I don't feel like putting up with useless nonsense like "I need to feel needed, not just like another girl" that's not me, I do what I can when I can.
I'm busy a lot of the time, or in the middle of something - like CLEANING, and can't just jump up to watch TV with you. I don't like TV and can't just sit there and watch useless mind-numbing TV!

I'm not about looks, someone has to look decent, at least a cute face.
The insides are really what count, and when there's things about the insides that don't sit with me the right way, or aren't stimulating where I need them to be... it starts me thinking. I'll keep going as long as it takes, but then on the other hand the longer I go, the harder it will be. Hopefully she'll realize I'm all weird and not like me anymore, give me the boot -- that would be cool. Then I was in a relationship and she's left me like all the others...

posted @ 17:22

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